Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
