If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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