I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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