I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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