im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
