That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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