Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
