yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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