my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
