i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize