I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize