$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
