when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
