i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
