finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my poor anus
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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