I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
