So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize