omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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