All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
