I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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