the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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