Everything about him screamed your future.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize