My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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