So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
