I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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