do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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