u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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