i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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