She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize