The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
