shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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