Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
