I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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