Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
