having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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