Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
