Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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