I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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