she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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