I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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