Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
