i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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