Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
