You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
