I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
