I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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