i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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