I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
