he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
