North Korea, Best Korea!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
