If i come over, it means nothing
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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