I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
