Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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