i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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