At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
