You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
