I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize