I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
