plz talk dirty to me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
