i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
