did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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