I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
