I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
