i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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