I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
