Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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