I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
