maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
