If that was your dad, he is hot
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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