There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
