cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Terrible idea I love it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
