Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
