Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
