just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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