If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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