Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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